Small Changes Create Big Results
When you think of what goals you want to set for yourself, I imagine you can pull up the typical soundbites for reference. You know the ones… “This year I’m going to be a happier and healthier me”, “I want to lose 15lbs”, “I’m going to be more productive”, “I’m going to put extra money in my savings every month”, and the list goes on and on. We’ve all heard them year after year. What we also notice is that the same people in our lives (maybe even us!) set these same goals year after year. Zero judgment. I’ve been there, too!
So, why is this happening? Why are strong, capable, intelligent, “go getter” people, missing the mark in achieving goals? Why can we deliver positive outcome data in our professions but then when we apply similar strategies to our personal lives it isn’t translating? The short answer- we think being S.M.A.R.T about our goal setting is the “smart” thing to do. I disagree.
S.M.A.R.T goals are the widely used acronym to help set goals and originally was developed in the corporate world. S.M.A.R.T goals have now been adapted to be the “go to” model for pretty much anything. While I can get on board with the catchiness and ease of remembering the acronym, I still think we are setting people up to fail with their goal setting. For me, a S.M.A.R.T goal is often a band-aid type fix and only surface level. You are helping people get Specific, asking them to Measure the goal, have it be Attainable, Relatable, and Time-sensitive. This type of approach has been most successful on a professional level because it is literally someone’s job to assess these goals, analyze outcome data, and monitor the employee’s benchmarks. Last, but certainly not least, attaining S.M.A.R.T goals in the workplace is also just part of your job responsibilities, something to check off as a task completed item. It is also a mark of compliance for the agency, business, or institution. In my opinion, it is not sustainable on an individual level.
What I believe this gold standard of goal setting is missing is it never addresses the barriers of the individual. What is getting in the way for the individual to reach the goal. Often times, when reading someone’s S.M.A.R.T goals they all make perfect sense. It’s all there. Down on paper it should work. So why doesn't this person attain or sustain the goal? It doesn’t work because the person setting the goal is approaching it without adapting or changing anything else about themselves. Just because it is down on paper does not mean we will achieve it. And unfortunately, if we do, it will not be sustained long term.
In my experience the work that needs to occur for sustained change is combatting the personal challenges that we each face with goal setting rather than how we write or map out our goals. While each person has their own main challenge areas, there are 5 top themes that I see in my work.
Our value systems don’t match the goal. We are setting goals for ourselves that on the surface we think are the right things to do but on a fundamental level we don’t believe in them or are not invested enough at this time to make it a priority.
Our lack of growth mindset. Evidence has shown, consistently overtime, that the largest predictor of success is our adaptability. Too many of us are living in a fixed mindset and creating limited beliefs for ourselves. We keep trying to make our goals “fit” into our lives. We need to “fit” and adapt ourselves into the daily practices, changes, etc. that will set us up to attain and sustain our goals.
Perfectionist tendencies. While perfectionists have built reputations for excellent work ethics, a large majority of people with perfectionists tendencies do not achieve their goals due to the constant pressure of their negative self-talk and challenges with managing appropriate expectations. Perfectionists are often too rigid with their thinking and therefore struggle to pivot when meeting a barrier.
Seeking social approval. We are setting the goals for the wrong reasons. We want the recognition, the compliments, we want others to be proud of us. External motivations eventually reach a ceiling. Seeking your own approval yields sustainable outcomes.
Low self-confidence. There is not much low self-confidence doesn’t negatively effect. We limit ourselves based on a negative view we have and we don’t believe our efforts can produce positive results. Low self-confidence often times makes us create an unhealthy focus on outcomes versus chipping away at the overall progress and process of making change.
If you can address these core issues, bit by bit, larger change will ultimately follow. I’m a big believer in keeping it simple, practical and small. Yes, it may take a little longer to reach your goal. You may have to be a bit more patient. But, on the flip side, you won’t have to set the same goal again next year and start all over again. Adapt these simple tricks into your goal setting and get the upper hand in achieving them while improving your mental wellness at the same time. It’s really a win/win scenario.
Be honest with yourself. How invested are you to make this change? Do you have the actual time it will take to make it work? Are you just joining the club because it’s a “thing”? Go online, google, and take ANY value system assessment test. One of my favorites is the Valued-Living Questionnaire (VLD).
The power of YET! I have worked with countless adults and adolescents that have been changed by this 3 letter word. Practice adding “yet” to any fixed mindset statement you make and you will find yourself adapting. Most of our negative thoughts are a result of our anxiety-based mindsets. Once you start adding “yet” you build some self-compassion and growth mindset attitudes. This can literally be applied to ANY negative self-talk statement whether personal, academic, post-grad, athletics, or professional; “I can’t pass my licensing exam, yet”, “I can’t run a 5k, yet”, “I can’t break 80, yet”, “I can’t get my baby to sleep through the night, yet”, “I can’t keep a job, yet”.
Practice your awareness of perfectionism. If you are someone with perfectionist tendencies- the first step is learning to see it. Allow yourself to notice how you’re missing out on the positive process by getting stuck on rigid expectations.
Practice being your own cheerleader. Praise is great. We all enjoy a good pat on the back every now and then and it is important to have cheerleaders in your life. With that said, seeking that approval is a slippery-slope. Write a letter to yourself or write out a weekly self-affirmation telling yourself what your proud of. Over time, you will see how this is actually the most important voice to hear praise you.
Practice failure. Low self-confidence will prevent us from taking risks and allowing ourselves to make mistakes. I often tell parents (and remind myself now for my own children) that it is a life skill to teach your children how to fail gracefully. You need to practice failure, realize that it is not life or death, and feel good about taking the risk. The more you practice taking a risk the more likely it will lead to a success.
